nothing breaks like a heart
I am not a fan of Miley Cyrus or her music, but her new single got me thinking. I suppose she is right when she says that "this world can hurt you, it cuts you deep and leaves a scar; things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart." Having your heart broken is as common a human experience as eating bread with your dinner. Elite Daily posted an article on heartbreak in which Gige Engle gives eight effects heartbreak has on the body. Between the changes in weight and the feelings of sadness, our brain processes the heartbreak as physical pain. It is quite fascinating and heavy to read about these effects. It is important to take extra care of yourself and seek help when going through heartbreak, especially if it compromises our mental and social health.
But what if we talked about heartbreaks as opportunities rather than forced hardships? Humor me for a minute.
Hearts break for many reasons, and some of us are wired to feel a bit more deeply than others. And that is absolutely okay. In fact it's very beautiful to possess a sensitive soul and be considered a soft person. Soft persons have been gifted with fragile hearts--- hearts that break a bit easier than other hearts- but without them, we'd be left thinking this was a cold, harsh world. That is only one point of view.
What I would like to entertain is the idea that when our hearts break, especially over the suffering of others, the degradation of the natural world and injustice, it can be good for us. As humans we are intrinsically selfish- always looking out for our own interests. This helps us live out our passions, gain many accomplishments and accolades, and most basically- this is how our species survives. These days, no one is as selfish as American millennials, they say. So take it from a real millennial, it is easy to lead with our egos and blame the individualistic culture of western society for our self-centeredness. They also say that when you live a life solely pursuing your own interests without considering others, you end up empty and lonely. The goal, then, is to seek a life that can hold others' interests in addition to our own. The cure, though, is to learn to do this with love. Dorothy Day, the author of The Long Loneliness and founder of The Catholic Worker, writes about this topic with rawness and bravery. She says:
“What we would like to do is change the world--make it a little simpler for people to feed, clothe, and shelter themselves as God intended them to do. And, by fighting for better conditions, by crying out unceasingly for the rights of the workers, the poor, of the destitute--the rights of the worthy and the unworthy poor, in other words--we can, to a certain extent, change the world; we can work for the oasis, the little cell of joy and peace in a harried world. We can throw our pebble in the pond and be confident that its ever widening circle will reach around the world. We repeat, there is nothing we can do but love, and, dear God, please enlarge our hearts to love each other, to love our neighbour, to love our enemy as our friend.”
She reminds us that doing for others, in service and charity, has the ability to teach us what it means to love. Love shows itself in actions more than in words. Love is more than a temporal feeling or state of being, it is lived out moment to moment and in concrete ways. It can even be "harsh and dreadful" as Dorothy Day describes in her memoir because often those we "help" are ungrateful and the service needed to be done can be difficult and unpleasant. No one really enjoys mopping the floors or helping bathe someone who is unable to do it on their own. We would all rather play with orphaned children or give money to local charity. Love takes us beyond- it motivates us to see underneath and learn a person's story, it births in us questions of how a person could end up in their current situation and how it is that it not be me in those shoes. It takes the focus away from me towards something, or someone, else.
And sometimes, it hurts. Like really, really hurts.
Especially when we can not change a person's situation, nor possess the magic powers to make the evil go away. So, for a moment or for a month, we stay in the powerlessness, we feel the heaviness, we are unable to unsee the darkness, and it hurts. Our hearts ache. I am not talking about compassion or sympathy, I am talking about the pain of beholding something ugly, something hard, something we wish would go away. And when we actually allow ourselves to behold it deeply within ourselves and ponder on it in our mind, it breaks us. It breaks us profoundly and openly. And this heartbreak is not just the guilt that we are better off, not the shame that we may be complicit in evil, and not just the fear that we are never going to be the same. It is the pain of our self, the self that is intrinsically focused on me, expanding. It is the pain of growth.
So, yes, nothing breaks like a heart, because nothing else that can break will lead us closer to who and what we are meant to be. Nothing else may jolt us towards deeper learning of the mystery of love. Perhaps Nikita Gill is right when she says we can learn from the soft persons in our lives who feel deeply, perhaps we can listen to those who lead lives of service, perhaps we could wish our hearts to be consistently broken. No wonder Mother Teresa's common prayer was this: May God break my heart so completely that the world falls in.
Thank you for humouring me. Take gentle care of yourself. Don't judge your feelings and do not feel ashamed. When our hearts break, we are expanding, growing, learning- and even if it doesn't feel like it- still loving.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tips on caring for a broken heart:
1. Talk to a friend who knows you and loves you. Spend time with them.
2. Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Release them without judgement.
3. Miss them, whoever they may be. Your loved one, ex, friend or person whom you felt compassion for. It is okay to still love them in their absence.
4. Care for your body gently with nutrition and exercise. Walks by bodies of water are highly encouraged.
5. Do things for you. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to your favourite cupcake and watch a movie that makes you laugh. Enjoy yourself!
6. Read about what interests you. You find hummingbirds interesting? Find out how long they live for. Your friend told you that she loves to travel- research a vacation spot. Always wanted to read the entire Harry Potter series- begin today with a few pages.
7. Seek professional help. Talk to a spiritual advisor or counselor if you are overwhelmed or need advice on how to move on. There is no shame in having a helpful ear to listen.
8. Brainstorm ways to share your gifts with others, whether it be volunteering or mentoring. When we share our talents we not only gain endorphins, we gain purpose.
9. Visualize your next move, even if it is not BIG. Think about how you want to feel, who you want to be and what kind of people you want to surround yourself with. Visualize it, dream big and use your imagination to fuel your actions.
10. Let your creativity soar! The arts are healing and you do not have to be trained to dabble in some art or music. If it feels good and you are learning- keep at it!
SING to Katy Perry's Firework or DANCE to Vivir Mi Vida by Marc Anthony.
But what if we talked about heartbreaks as opportunities rather than forced hardships? Humor me for a minute.
Hearts break for many reasons, and some of us are wired to feel a bit more deeply than others. And that is absolutely okay. In fact it's very beautiful to possess a sensitive soul and be considered a soft person. Soft persons have been gifted with fragile hearts--- hearts that break a bit easier than other hearts- but without them, we'd be left thinking this was a cold, harsh world. That is only one point of view.
What I would like to entertain is the idea that when our hearts break, especially over the suffering of others, the degradation of the natural world and injustice, it can be good for us. As humans we are intrinsically selfish- always looking out for our own interests. This helps us live out our passions, gain many accomplishments and accolades, and most basically- this is how our species survives. These days, no one is as selfish as American millennials, they say. So take it from a real millennial, it is easy to lead with our egos and blame the individualistic culture of western society for our self-centeredness. They also say that when you live a life solely pursuing your own interests without considering others, you end up empty and lonely. The goal, then, is to seek a life that can hold others' interests in addition to our own. The cure, though, is to learn to do this with love. Dorothy Day, the author of The Long Loneliness and founder of The Catholic Worker, writes about this topic with rawness and bravery. She says:
“What we would like to do is change the world--make it a little simpler for people to feed, clothe, and shelter themselves as God intended them to do. And, by fighting for better conditions, by crying out unceasingly for the rights of the workers, the poor, of the destitute--the rights of the worthy and the unworthy poor, in other words--we can, to a certain extent, change the world; we can work for the oasis, the little cell of joy and peace in a harried world. We can throw our pebble in the pond and be confident that its ever widening circle will reach around the world. We repeat, there is nothing we can do but love, and, dear God, please enlarge our hearts to love each other, to love our neighbour, to love our enemy as our friend.”
She reminds us that doing for others, in service and charity, has the ability to teach us what it means to love. Love shows itself in actions more than in words. Love is more than a temporal feeling or state of being, it is lived out moment to moment and in concrete ways. It can even be "harsh and dreadful" as Dorothy Day describes in her memoir because often those we "help" are ungrateful and the service needed to be done can be difficult and unpleasant. No one really enjoys mopping the floors or helping bathe someone who is unable to do it on their own. We would all rather play with orphaned children or give money to local charity. Love takes us beyond- it motivates us to see underneath and learn a person's story, it births in us questions of how a person could end up in their current situation and how it is that it not be me in those shoes. It takes the focus away from me towards something, or someone, else.
And sometimes, it hurts. Like really, really hurts.
Especially when we can not change a person's situation, nor possess the magic powers to make the evil go away. So, for a moment or for a month, we stay in the powerlessness, we feel the heaviness, we are unable to unsee the darkness, and it hurts. Our hearts ache. I am not talking about compassion or sympathy, I am talking about the pain of beholding something ugly, something hard, something we wish would go away. And when we actually allow ourselves to behold it deeply within ourselves and ponder on it in our mind, it breaks us. It breaks us profoundly and openly. And this heartbreak is not just the guilt that we are better off, not the shame that we may be complicit in evil, and not just the fear that we are never going to be the same. It is the pain of our self, the self that is intrinsically focused on me, expanding. It is the pain of growth.
So, yes, nothing breaks like a heart, because nothing else that can break will lead us closer to who and what we are meant to be. Nothing else may jolt us towards deeper learning of the mystery of love. Perhaps Nikita Gill is right when she says we can learn from the soft persons in our lives who feel deeply, perhaps we can listen to those who lead lives of service, perhaps we could wish our hearts to be consistently broken. No wonder Mother Teresa's common prayer was this: May God break my heart so completely that the world falls in.
Thank you for humouring me. Take gentle care of yourself. Don't judge your feelings and do not feel ashamed. When our hearts break, we are expanding, growing, learning- and even if it doesn't feel like it- still loving.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tips on caring for a broken heart:
1. Talk to a friend who knows you and loves you. Spend time with them.
2. Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Release them without judgement.
3. Miss them, whoever they may be. Your loved one, ex, friend or person whom you felt compassion for. It is okay to still love them in their absence.
4. Care for your body gently with nutrition and exercise. Walks by bodies of water are highly encouraged.
5. Do things for you. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to your favourite cupcake and watch a movie that makes you laugh. Enjoy yourself!
6. Read about what interests you. You find hummingbirds interesting? Find out how long they live for. Your friend told you that she loves to travel- research a vacation spot. Always wanted to read the entire Harry Potter series- begin today with a few pages.
7. Seek professional help. Talk to a spiritual advisor or counselor if you are overwhelmed or need advice on how to move on. There is no shame in having a helpful ear to listen.
8. Brainstorm ways to share your gifts with others, whether it be volunteering or mentoring. When we share our talents we not only gain endorphins, we gain purpose.
9. Visualize your next move, even if it is not BIG. Think about how you want to feel, who you want to be and what kind of people you want to surround yourself with. Visualize it, dream big and use your imagination to fuel your actions.
10. Let your creativity soar! The arts are healing and you do not have to be trained to dabble in some art or music. If it feels good and you are learning- keep at it!
SING to Katy Perry's Firework or DANCE to Vivir Mi Vida by Marc Anthony.
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